Resigned; that he's grown, has his own life and I am a smaller part.
The last time I said goodbye to my kiddo was more of a slow motion interpretive dance as I crept out of bed after he and his dad were asleep. Finally, moment alone to clean up the living room, drink a glass of wine, eat some chips, and watch some mindless trash tv. This moment of motherhood realness was served up with the ever-present twinge of guilt for being touched-out by the small, gentle hands I cherish and over-stimulated from hearing the little voice that lights up my world saying "mama" on repeat, however sweetly and lovingly.
I forgot to notice it as anything momentous. Just a rushed, hurried moment on the checklist.
I will go with a story about my oldest going off to college. First, this child graduated high school at age 15, so already, going off to college was a milestone that was happening way too soon. When the day arrived, my child said, "I guess this is it, Mom." We hugged and said goodbye. I cried for the next two weeks, it was so hard. That child never looked back, and today has a PhD in biochem and works as a DNA scientist. On an aside, that child, two weeks into college, said, "Why didn't you tell me college was like this? This is where I have needed to be all my life." Made my two weeks of tears worth a million dollars.
My kids don't live here anymore - they are in the lower 48 - and they called in December to say they were thinking of coming for my birthday (near Christmas) - a truly lovely surprise and completely unexpected. I asked if they had tickets but the didn't yet. I took it all with delight that they thought of me and were considering coming but kind of doubted they would actually come. They did come, and spent relaxed time sharing simple things here for about ten days. No holiday expectations, pretty chill, doing things together and separately. The time together and the goodbye were joyful for me. I'm making this all sound so normal but it was significant. They made effort to share time, the four of us - two grown offspring and two parents. They centered that around my birthday. They were hanging out here with us predominately. It was very different from the usual bizzillion plans they/we all often have. It was truly a gift of their presence. The goodbyes were lovingly sending them back out into the world. I can't emphasize enough how much of a turning point this felt like to me in our relationships in terms of me being on the receiving end of so much giving.
When my sister in law picked up my son to watch him for the day I felt sad I would miss his morning nap routine, but also relief that I could make some room in my brain that day and take care of a few things on my list of things to do. I felt happy he was going to be around different people and do something out of his routine.
Time goes by too fast slow down
Such a sense of proudness when I hugged Cole on his way out the door to go to work and he says have a good day ma I love you!
Love and awe of the amazing human she us becoming
Like I couldn't believe I could leave him and it would be okay
.....satisfied, and a little selfish
Last time I dropped my toddler off at daycare I felt love and gratitude that I have a place and people I trust to give me the space and time away I need. ❤️
The last time I said goodbye to my kiddo (to take a shower, daycare/school drop off, college) I felt...It's honestly been so long that she's been to daycare due to mother-in-law visiting and sickness. Oy vey, the daycare sicknesses!
Guilty for taking "time away from Mom duty" even though I was going to work.
Saying good bye to my child was a relief. . My son dropped off his children for the night to spend time with us. I ran the gammit of things in my mind... what was allowed, what wasn't. The subtle reminders about making sure they eat healthy (they don't). The back and forth about who should bring them to dance in the morning (anyone driving them stresses out their Mom). Mom picked them up and then dropped them back off. I enjoy them, never doubt that, but getting them from their parent's anxiety space to our space is a delicate balance. I have to remind myself that this on them while at the same wishing it didn't make me second guess my Motherhood when he was a child. And the stress of them being a little out of control.. because our space is less constricting (as it should be) that makes my husband stand offish. I take this all on, but do it with a sense of how the children will remember their visits. I tuck it all away and open my arms, exclaiming how lucky I am to have them for the night. So, yes, unfortunately, saying Good bye was a relief.
Relieved for space
Guilt.
I lost my kid yesterday. So there's that.
To drop off at the movies with friends. I felt excited and nervous for her, tween friendships are hard.
Thankful for a breather
Instant relief
I said goodbye to my daughter with a great sense of relief mixed with trepidation and excitement. Relief to have her out of the house, fearful of how she would sabotage her good fortune to be on a long awaited adventure, as well as excitement for her to finally break out of a partially self imposed isolation in our house, in Homer.
She was headed to go babysit for the evening and I was proud that she has grown to be a caring, attentive, lover of children.
Free! Dropping toddlers off at Tiny Trees. They love it there and I REALLY look forward to tues/wed when they go. Getting a break makes me a better person ❤️
“Will I get through this without the kids arguing and the dogs barking???” Just one long quiet shower
Stressed out (late to work)
I felt relief. That she was back where she belonged. Surrounded by her education - away from my depression and worries. She deserves to feel free and unburdened.
Grateful that she wanted to give me big big hugs, and sad that I wouldn't see her for a couple of days.
Relief. All was finally quite in the house.
Gulit @. school drop off- max and I always give the I love you in sign language 🤟🏻 @ school drop off. yesterday we were running late, he was giving me a hard time about wearing a coat- I lost my cool yelled- I said I love you , sorry for yelling...and he got out of the car and walked into school with out giving our sign 😢.
The last time I said good bye to my kid was when I left to the gym. The nanny was with them and at the same time, the cleaners showed up. I was so stressed handling all these people who were either under my care or instruction. I was overwhelmed but as soon as I stepped out my front door and closed the sound out behind me I felt such immediate relief. A noticeable change . A feeling of knowing I was taking care of them by leaving. I'd return to a clean home and one kid napping and the other ready to see me. Goodbyes are something I had to work on but I'm getting better. Once as I was leaving my youngest was screaming and I stopped at the door, with one foot in and one out, to tell her bye bye, mommy loves you. While she screamed. When I finally closed the door to go I saw my neighbor standing there, who also has two kids. He saw the whole thing. With a straight face and a serious tone he says, "go. Just go. Get out of here". It cracked me up. All of us parents are in this together and are simultaneously experiencing the same situations with our littles.
Saying goodbye as I left for work on Friday morning ... guilt for leaving my husband to get 3 kids out the door and dropped off and relief to be getting in my car to sip my coffee in peace on the way to work 🙈
Sad and excited
Left to do a pop up first Friday show in town. Knew it was coming up, worked my a** off all week to prepare and yet I have a hard time leaving the house for a few hours. Papa was home with them and they were going to take a bubble bath and have dinner. I feel guilty, selfish and sad every time I say goodbye.
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