Everything if I'm doing it right. It's the dichotomy of carrying the silent load of motherhood and seeking validation at the same time.
The complete and constant mental awareness that I have of my baby's wellness, needs, vibe...100% of the time, 24/7.
Sweeping the floor. Laundry magically being done. Spontaneous dish washing.
Honestly that I am doing all I've done at 'the age' I am as a single mom. Not complaining but... people don't see it.
Everything... the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, the planning of fun things etc. Carrying the emotional and physical load for the whole family.
The work that goes into firing ceramics with wood. Collecting, cutting and stacking wood well in advance of firing so it's dry (stored under roofs); waddling the individual pieces, the grinding of the floor of the kiln from melted ash and wads stuck in that, all the cleaning of the pots - grinding bottoms, sometimes anding rims and insides of them as well; the organizing of a crew to help and figuring out the firing shift schedule that runs around the clock and lasts for days; preparing nutritious and hearty meals ahead of the firing to feed the crew; the list goes on but you get the gist.
The keeping of all the lists going in my head of all the things that need to get done, thought about, researched, and organizing when those things should get done and in what order.
Try so hard. I think sometimes I do a disservice to myself, and the act of motherhood in itself , by "making it look easy." It's not easy. None of it!
Clean cook and clean some more
I think if you took all the people in my life that make up my community I would be one visible whole. It is me who cannot see. How good a mom I am is invisible to me. How good a partner I am is invisible to me. How dedicated I am to my job is invisible to me. How much knowledge I have is invisible to me. Sometimes I wish I could see what others do and get out of my own damn way
So much of my experience as a mother is invisible, emotional labor. Like, remembering the water bottles and sunscreen, completing the sign up form for school, arranging appointments, switching out seasonal clothes, making play dates happen, doing PR work for the family: writing thank you notes, remembering birthday and events, anticipating everyone's needs and preferences…
EVERYTHING.
Try to hold my gut in: diastatis recti is intense
I change my course of decisions or choices to make other people feel better.
Making sure we never run out of toilet paper, diapers, or ketchup. Also, swapping out the kids clothes when they need the next size up.
All the "pink chores". Can no one else change the hand towels?!
I manage a tantrum before it happens. I wipe the kitchen table. I know whose socks and undies are whose. I pack a fucking awesome bento box lunch.
Nothing, I think I may be too much of an open book
Great prompt. Worry almost every minute with or away from the baby
Taking on the complete responsibility for my children's emotional intelligence.
Feeding everyone makes me feel invisible. I used to love cooking and baking, back when it was a special thing I didn't have to do single-handedly multiple times a day for a family of four who will pick at it, complain that it's gross, and scrape most of it in the trash. Trying to plan meals for unpredictability picky eaters, budget for food, squeeze down the overcrowded aisles of Safeway making a million tiny decisions with two bickering kids in tow lobbying hard for donuts and ice cream, somehow missing several crucial items as I awkwardly mediate who gets to use the scanner at the self-checkout with a full cart, feeling angst about how much money I just spent. Feeling guilty about letting the kids eat pink sprinkle donuts. Loading it all into the car, loading it all out of the car and up the driveway, putting it all away, taking it back out to cook, trying to follow a recipe but the kids are fighting and the dogs are barking and then having my husband suggest that I should "clean as I go" so the kitchen doesn't get so messy when I cook, and that we need to start "eating better" and why did I let the kids eat donuts earlier. But he won't commit to cooking even once a week. It's too much. My own mother did it for decades with ease and even seemed to enjoy it. Why? Why is it so hard for me then? And why doesn't anyone recognize the mental energy I put into it every day? Sometimes I wish we could just eat a scoop of kibble for every meal, like our dogs.
For the most part I feel noticed, but I swear sometimes when I ask anyone to do something they completely ignore me. On purpose or distracted... I have no idea
What I do that feels invisible to everyone is I suffer daily living so far from my family, my tribe
Buying, organizing, washing, folding, donating, saving, changing over for the next season of clothes. Changing clothes over for the season. Packing all the clothes for a trip, knowing I will be "teased" for packing too much, but knowing that I'll probably be missing something. All the appointments I have in my head are invisible, all the time I take on my "break" time at work to call and make more appointments. Everything I do every week to get ready for another week at school. The invisible things are the most exhausting ones.
What do you do that feels invisible to everyone? knowing every detail about everything in the household and for my kids. I know the answer to the million questions my husband has before he even asks.
I feel like how much I help and give to others goes unnoticed
I'm very loyal. I make sure that my friends are never stepped on, I am a ride or die kind of girl.
The mental load! No one sees or recognizes the effort and energy it takes to keep everyone else's day running smoothly. My partner is so very helpful when he's home, he even recognizes when I am feeling stressed, but he cannot keep track of things the way I do. Multiple kids means that even when they're each keeping track of their own days, I still have to keep track of the master "schedule" for all of us!
So much. Being a mama to a special needs kiddo and a high needs micropreemie (who is now 2) I feel like so much is invisible. The meltdowns, sitting on the floor in tears trying to help my son through a sensory overload without him self-harming, walking around rocking a 2 year old as if she was a new born because she still can not sleep through the night, trying endless medications (none of which I can honestly say I feel great about giving) to curb my little guys impulsive, hyperactive behaviors, making sure the "right" snacks are in the car at all times, the "right" clothes are set out for the morning, I feel like this could go on forever as so much that mamas do seems invisible to most but once in a blue moon you realize there is a special few who do see all that you do even if they never say a word.
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